Chapter 1: No Good Reason My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all. Here is a story for you. It is called "Once Upon a Time My Grandfather Named Frank Miller Went to the Store and He Bought Me Some Mittens." Once upon a time my grandfather named Frank Miller went to the store and he bought me some mittens. They are made out of black furry fur. And guess what? It was not even my birthday! Or Christmas! Or Valentine's Day! Plus the mittens were not even on sale! Grampa Miller just bought them for no good reason! And that is the bestest reason I ever heard of! That's how come I love that guy very much. Plus also he can skip. The end. I love that story a real lot. 'Cause guess why? I didn't even make it up, that's why! That adventure actually happened to me! My grampa Miller really did buy me mittens for no good reason! And they are gorgeous, I tell you! When I first opened them, I got filled with glee. Glee is when you run. And jump. And skip. And laugh. And clap. And dance on top of the dining room table. Then your mother takes you down from the table. And she carries you to your room for a time-out . Time-outs kill the glee. I wore my new mittens the whole entire morning. Plus also I wore them to afternoon kindergarten. I wore them with my attractive winter jacket. Only it wasn't actually cold out. Only who even cares? 'Cause that outfit looked very beautiful together. I showed my mittens to my bestest friend named Grace. Also, I showed them to a variety of strangers. After I got to school, I held my hands over my head. And I runned all over the playground. "LOOK, EVERYBODY! LOOK AT MY NEW MITTENS! MY GRAMPA FRANK MILLER BOUGHT THEM FOR NO GOOD REASON!" I waved them all around in the air. "HOW MANY CHILDREN SEE THESE LOVELY THINGS? RAISE YOUR HANDS," I hollered. Nobody raised their hands. "HOW MANY CHILDREN THINK THESE MITTENS ARE GORGEOUS? PLEASE COME FORWARD!" I yelled. Nobody came forward. I put my hands back down and walked to that Grace. "I couldn't create any interest," I said very glum. Only guess what? Just then, I spotted my other bestest friend named Lucille! I ran my fastest to greet her. "LUCILLE! LUCILLE! LOOK AT MY GORGEOUS NEW MITTENS! SEE THEM? THEY ARE MADE OUT OF BLACK FURRY FUR!" Lucille petted them. "My family has lots of fur," she said. "My mother has a fur cape. And my aunt has a fur jacket. And my uncle has a fur hat. Plus my nanna just bought a brand-new mink coat. Only she can't wear it outside the house. Or else people will throw paint on her." My mouth came all the way open. "Why, Lucille? Why will people throw paint on your nanna?" I asked. Lucille crossed her arms. "Don't you know anything , Junie B. Jones? It's because people who love furry animals don't like them being made into coats for nannas." Just then, I felt relief in me. 'Cause I'm not even a nanna, that's why. And besides, my mittens aren't even made out of real furry animals. They are made out of fake furry animals. And so those kind don't even count. All of a sudden, the bell rang for school. I zoomed to my room like a speeding rocket. 'Cause guess why? More people to show my mittens to! That's why! Excerpted from Junie B. Jones Is Not a Crook by Barbara Park All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.